Goodbye, Kevin.

  • Feb. 21st, 2013 at 7:05 PM
kelzadiddle: (Kevin Ayers Still Life With Guitar)
I lost one of my heroes yesterday. Kevin Ayers, founder member of Soft Machine, the Whole World, and all-round brilliant singer-songwriter, passed away at the age of 68. He was found at his home by a neighbour (he lived alone) and apparently had a note next to him which read 'You can't shine if you don't burn'.

So we've lost David Bedford, Lol Coxhill and now Kevin. I'm absolutely gutted. He was such an amazing man; his music inspired me, cheered me up when I felt low, it was like listening to a summer's day. I was so grateful to him for all the things he gave to the world and one day I rather wanted to tell him just how amazing I thought he was, and how much his music affected me. A lot of my novel has been written whilst listening to his work, both with bands and his solo stuff - several scenes were actually inspired by it. He himself inspired Lazuli quite a bit - the easy-going attitude, the decadent but charming nature. I owe Kevin an awful lot.

But one of the things I most admired about Kevin was that, unlike most musicians, he wasn't a slave to the music industry. He wrote from the heart, as well, with his unique imagination and whimsical nature showing through. He went where he pleased, lived exactly as he wanted and released music when he felt like it. So there was always something much more heartfelt about his work; you could feel him and his life in it - the wine, the sea, the Mediterranean sun, the love.

I don't really have the words to do him justice right now. The Guardian has a very good obituary up for him, as well as his last interview which shows the person he was pretty well. Maybe when I've had a few days to think about it I'll be able to write something better.

Rest in peace, Kevin. Hope the wine is flowing freely wherever you are. Oh and by the way, thank you very much.

Jan. 25th, 2013

  • 1:46 PM
kelzadiddle: (Default)
I have a few things to do today. I've already signed on (Job Seeker's Allowance, bleh) and done all the stuff required of me in that department - enough stuff for one day, anyway - so now I just need to tackle a ton of stuff on the creative side of things.
  1. Type six pages of my novel up
  2. Write another six pages of my novel
  3. One A3 drawing for Holly
That's easily doable. In fact, while I'm still waiting for Jason to get back, I can make a good start on typing up my novel now.

I may also need to do his mum a little favour regarding the funeral today, depending on when she wants it done. She'd like me to type up, format and print out the eulogy she's written/writing for granny. I know it doesn't sound like a hard job, but... wow. I'm actually terrified I'm going to muck it up. Like, I don't know if she wants it to look decorative or for it to be more readable (she requires glasses to read, I know that much, and I don't think she wants to be squinting on the lectern thingy in the church) or what.

I was just thinking maybe a slightly larger font (16 or 18, maybe?), 1.5 spaced so she can tell the lines apart easier and avoid stumbling. That's how I formatted my Prince's Trust Presentation Night speech so I wouldn't end up reading the same line again by accident. Maybe indent the first line of every paragraph... I dunno, maybe I'm thinking too hard about this. I just seriously do not want to mess it up.

Also, I'm amazed that she's trusting me with this. I mean, an eulogy is a very personal, sensitive thing, especially when it's for such a close member of the family. When words are brought together to make one they become immeasurably precious, I think, because of their purpose. This will be the most delicate writing task I'll have ever done. Wow.

Well, we'll see what Maria says anyway. Jason might bring the eulogy for me to sort out today, or she might need more time to work on it.

Other than that, the past few days have been pretty uneventful. I'm getting into the swing of finding a job again, and over the next week I'll be submitting my CV to a few jobsearch sites. There isn't a great deal on the Gov.uk website, to be honest, so I'm better off looking further afield as well. I've been playing a lot of Minecraft, and I've been writing a little bit as well. My novel's creeping along slowly, but slow progress is always better than no progress. It makes me feel much better to be busy!

Jan. 20th, 2013

  • 9:38 PM
kelzadiddle: (Default)
I've been feeling a bit down today due to yesterday's sad news. I haven't really been able to bring myself to do much except sit around and play Minecraft for hours just to take my mind off things.

Tomorrow I'm staying over at Jason's as usual, and I told him I'd like to go to the funeral, because I was really fond of his gran and I'd like to be there for him, and for his mum. It's still bugging me that I couldn't really do much yesterday, but he did say he'd rather be alone and try to get some sleep.

Jason went to bed at around 10 last night, just after our phone call, and finally fell asleep at half three. I went to bed at nearly four o'clock myself because I was just so tired, and even then it was hard to get to sleep.

I think I'll be okay, given time. This is different to my usual depressive episodes. I'm just sad that Irene passed away and regretful that I wasn't able to get to know her better, as well as worried about Jason, his Mum and, of course, his grandad.

So I haven't written at all today, though yesterday before Jason's text I managed four pages, and typed up about the same. In days to come I'm going to have to get cracking again on some serious work, but for now, definitely until the funeral, I won't be writing at all when I'm with Jason. I want to focus for a while on supporting him.

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