kelzadiddle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kelzadiddle) wrote2011-08-15 09:54 pm
kelzadiddle) wrote2011-08-15 09:54 pm
The Emotional Aftermath of the 'Tom Incident' and a Bloody Good Weekend at Sian's
An apology is probably in order for my horrendous consistency over the last month or so. According to my LiveJournal, which you might call the 'terminal' of all my scribblings, I haven't posted much since the "Tom incident".
I won't lie to you all. That incident really rattled me, a lot more than I'd like to admit. It's been well over a month now - Jason and Maria have been on the Helena Housing waiting list for about four weeks now - but when I think about what happened to make them get on that list in the first place, the terror comes back - everything I experienced that night - holding Jason tight, trembling, fearing for my life as that madman barges into the room - floods back into my mind and the original fear is there again, strong and as harrowing and nauseating as it was when I first felt it. It grips my gut, my heart and goes right through me like I'm nothing.
That was my first ever experience of domestic violence, and hopefully my last. It didn't even happen to me and it was terrifying.
I haven't really been open or honest about the impact on me, not even to Jason, because I'm trying to be strong for him. All things considered I think I have handled the whole situation very well, but it's still affected me. I think I'll probably tell him one day how bad it was - perhaps in writing where I can express myself better and I won't go to pieces in front of him - but for now, while he needs me to be strong, that's what I'll be.
Anyway. The weekend. It was awesome! I was at Sian's on Friday to get things ready, though our version of reading things for the weekend ahead was to sup wine (glorious), try to plug the laptop into the telly (we failed) and watch 13 Ghosts (at which we succeeded - but we had to make do with watching it on the laptop). Sian gave me a fantastic card full of scribblings - hilarious little inside jokes of ours such as 'Shirley Bassey with a wig on', 'I hope your trouser face stays happy' and 'HAMMOCK', which was written in huge capital letters on the back of the envelope, as well as inside.
It hit me again as I looked over that card, packed with some of the best examples of our shenanigans, as it has many times, how much I'm going to miss life over here. I used to moan about it all the time; unfortunately certain people I used to go to school with had soured my opinion but as soon as I went to Sixth Form - well, two of the happiest years of my English life were spent there. I made some cracking friends; Sian, Holly, Emma, Mike, Jess, Smiller, Nilufa, Vicky, to name a few; and we had some brilliantly bizarre times. I have the memories, but it's going to be awful not having my friends nearby to embark on further craziness.
And then there's Laura. Blimey, I haven't seen her in ages. I think I'll have to get her out some time before I go, perhaps to the pub.
I may have to write something like a memoir of Sixth Form, going over all the cool things I neglected to journal about, but now look back on and think 'good times!' - there's so much silliness that my journal has missed out on, and I vow to never make the same mistake when I go to university.
So, day the first! I enjoyed a brilliant sleep in Sian's dad's bed (don't panic, he's away on holiday!) and got up at around noon Saturday morning - I've forgotten how awesome it feels to do that; I normally don't have the patience for lie-ins. We met Jason at nearly four o'clock and waffled about at Sian's for about an hour until Adam showed up.
One of the things I was interested in finding out this weekend was how Jason would get on with my friends. He gets on great with my family - they think he's fantastic - and I had high hopes for all the Sixth Form crowd. The thing about Jason is he's a lovely guy, so pleasant to everyone, and absolutely bonkers, so I had a feeling he'd fit in. And, surprise surprise, he got on well with pretty much everyone!
The first night, Adam was there for a brief spell but had to go. Thandi and her boyfriend Craig didn't stay long, nor did Davey and Daryl - all of whom seemed very reserved on the day. Charles, Lauren and Sophie showed up and stayed over, which was great fun.
I was a bit silly on Saturday in that the bottle of wine and Magners I'd bought disappeared all in one evening. Which led to me lying in the back garden and sitting out the front and sitting in the kitchen while Jason made tea to revive me and lying on the living room floor and tripping over Jasper and keeping the wine cork for posterity. It took the combined efforts of Sian and Jason to persuade me that bed might be a smart idea at around 11pm, but it only took the effort of gravity to get me in.
I drifted in and out of sleep, getting more sober each time I regained consciousness, and finally got a decent kip at around 5am. Jason and I finally got up at about noon the next day. My expectations of a hideous hangover turned out to be quite the opposite; I felt quite sprightly considering my decadence the previous night! I know what wine to get in future! (Hardy's Brut Rosé, crisp, fruity, goes down well, leaves no hangover and is affordable at about £6.99 a bottle. But it wasn't as nice as the J. P. Chenet Rosé Sian and I had on Friday evening, which tasted just like Vimto!)
The next morning we watched and criticised Deep Blue Sea, throwing banter around as to how we could improve the film (Samuel L Jackson's death, by the way, is the BEST MOVIE DEATH EVER. Go watch it on YouTube!), and then after Sophie went home to check up on her baby daughter Carly, Lauren made pancakes! And they weren't pancakes of the Sian and Kelza variety - that is, broken up bits of what looks like blobs of burnt fat on a plate, covered in golden syrup. Lauren's were perfectly round, slightly browned and the ideal consistency. I felt rather useless at that point, but then I was in bliss when I ate the pancake so it didn't matter. Omnomnomnom.
After Sophie was gone we had a go at a few card games before other people showed up. First was 'Bullshit', my personal favourite. I never used to think much of card games before Sian taught me how to play this. I love playing with close friends because everyone gets really suspicious of each-other and it's hilarious when someone makes an accusation - basically, the idea of the game is you can put down two, three or four cards at a time and you have to say they're matching. Nobody knows what you put down; they can either take your work for it or if they think you're lying, they say 'Bullshit'.
If your accuser is right and you're lying, you have to take up every single card that's been put down. If your accuser if wrong, they have to take the cards. The object of the game is to get rid of all your cards first.
The first game was just us showing Jason and Lauren the ropes, but the second game was insane. Sian won, Lauren came second, and it was me vs. Jason. He called bullshit which led to me having 48 cards in my hand against his four, and it looked like he was going to win... but then I managed to bounce back and own him. I may not have got rid of all my cards first, but to win after all that was a victory. I'll admit, though, I'm an awful winner. Jason is not going to forget that game easily!
Lauren went home shortly after, meaning it was then just me, Jason, Sian and Charles. Again, cue more waffling about and watching telly. We watched Dale's Supermarket Sweep, which is actually one of the most bizarre gameshows I've ever seen.
Later in the day, people started to show up. This would be the busiest night of the weekend, since there were no other parties coinciding with ours. Mike showed up first, then Emma (who gave me another lovely card), then Smiller and Sroddis, then Bec. Bec didn't stay long but it was awesome to see her, and then Tom and Dana (Tom's girlfriend) turned up. We had a few more games of Bullshit, flicked through the music channels, bantered... it got ridiculously warm in there with so many people so I had to go and cool off outside, accompanied by Sian and Jason. It was a rather nice moment for me, just sitting there with two of my favourite people in the world at either side of me.
Bloody hell, I'm going to miss them so much. They say you don't realise what you have until it's gone... well, every time I see my family and friends now I realise what I have, and what I'm about to lose. Well, not 'lose', as such, but there's going to be a sea between us for a good few months. When I go to Ireland, it's going to be Christmas before I can see them again.
Little by little, people went home. It was just me, Jason, Sian and Mike when Jason and I decided to go to bed at midnight. I slept brilliantly, still giddy after a fabulous weekend, and now here I am, back at work!
In a way, it's sad that the Tom incident has affected me so much. That's one bad thing against so many awesome things that have happened to me this year, and will continue to happen in the coming year. This weekend is now one memory of many I can fall back on during the hard times; something to lift me up if ever I feel low. I'm grateful to Jason, Sian, Holly, Laura and my other friends not just for this weekend, but every moment we've spent together being daft, having a laugh, just being us. I coudn't be surrounded by people who are any more brilliant.
Apologies about any formatting issues this entry might have, by the way. This is an e-mail post and I can't quite remember how I used to lay them out so they'd look alright on my LiveJournal. I hope everyone's having an awesome life, and I'm sorry I haven't been updating much! Just know that I have a mass of typed up and handwritten backdated entries to get up - you're not rid of me yet!
I have to learn how to do things by e-mail post like change my userpic, add tags, privacy settings and the like. Happily there's nothing in here that I want to hide from the world!
I won't lie to you all. That incident really rattled me, a lot more than I'd like to admit. It's been well over a month now - Jason and Maria have been on the Helena Housing waiting list for about four weeks now - but when I think about what happened to make them get on that list in the first place, the terror comes back - everything I experienced that night - holding Jason tight, trembling, fearing for my life as that madman barges into the room - floods back into my mind and the original fear is there again, strong and as harrowing and nauseating as it was when I first felt it. It grips my gut, my heart and goes right through me like I'm nothing.
That was my first ever experience of domestic violence, and hopefully my last. It didn't even happen to me and it was terrifying.
I haven't really been open or honest about the impact on me, not even to Jason, because I'm trying to be strong for him. All things considered I think I have handled the whole situation very well, but it's still affected me. I think I'll probably tell him one day how bad it was - perhaps in writing where I can express myself better and I won't go to pieces in front of him - but for now, while he needs me to be strong, that's what I'll be.
Anyway. The weekend. It was awesome! I was at Sian's on Friday to get things ready, though our version of reading things for the weekend ahead was to sup wine (glorious), try to plug the laptop into the telly (we failed) and watch 13 Ghosts (at which we succeeded - but we had to make do with watching it on the laptop). Sian gave me a fantastic card full of scribblings - hilarious little inside jokes of ours such as 'Shirley Bassey with a wig on', 'I hope your trouser face stays happy' and 'HAMMOCK', which was written in huge capital letters on the back of the envelope, as well as inside.
It hit me again as I looked over that card, packed with some of the best examples of our shenanigans, as it has many times, how much I'm going to miss life over here. I used to moan about it all the time; unfortunately certain people I used to go to school with had soured my opinion but as soon as I went to Sixth Form - well, two of the happiest years of my English life were spent there. I made some cracking friends; Sian, Holly, Emma, Mike, Jess, Smiller, Nilufa, Vicky, to name a few; and we had some brilliantly bizarre times. I have the memories, but it's going to be awful not having my friends nearby to embark on further craziness.
And then there's Laura. Blimey, I haven't seen her in ages. I think I'll have to get her out some time before I go, perhaps to the pub.
I may have to write something like a memoir of Sixth Form, going over all the cool things I neglected to journal about, but now look back on and think 'good times!' - there's so much silliness that my journal has missed out on, and I vow to never make the same mistake when I go to university.
So, day the first! I enjoyed a brilliant sleep in Sian's dad's bed (don't panic, he's away on holiday!) and got up at around noon Saturday morning - I've forgotten how awesome it feels to do that; I normally don't have the patience for lie-ins. We met Jason at nearly four o'clock and waffled about at Sian's for about an hour until Adam showed up.
One of the things I was interested in finding out this weekend was how Jason would get on with my friends. He gets on great with my family - they think he's fantastic - and I had high hopes for all the Sixth Form crowd. The thing about Jason is he's a lovely guy, so pleasant to everyone, and absolutely bonkers, so I had a feeling he'd fit in. And, surprise surprise, he got on well with pretty much everyone!
The first night, Adam was there for a brief spell but had to go. Thandi and her boyfriend Craig didn't stay long, nor did Davey and Daryl - all of whom seemed very reserved on the day. Charles, Lauren and Sophie showed up and stayed over, which was great fun.
I was a bit silly on Saturday in that the bottle of wine and Magners I'd bought disappeared all in one evening. Which led to me lying in the back garden and sitting out the front and sitting in the kitchen while Jason made tea to revive me and lying on the living room floor and tripping over Jasper and keeping the wine cork for posterity. It took the combined efforts of Sian and Jason to persuade me that bed might be a smart idea at around 11pm, but it only took the effort of gravity to get me in.
I drifted in and out of sleep, getting more sober each time I regained consciousness, and finally got a decent kip at around 5am. Jason and I finally got up at about noon the next day. My expectations of a hideous hangover turned out to be quite the opposite; I felt quite sprightly considering my decadence the previous night! I know what wine to get in future! (Hardy's Brut Rosé, crisp, fruity, goes down well, leaves no hangover and is affordable at about £6.99 a bottle. But it wasn't as nice as the J. P. Chenet Rosé Sian and I had on Friday evening, which tasted just like Vimto!)
The next morning we watched and criticised Deep Blue Sea, throwing banter around as to how we could improve the film (Samuel L Jackson's death, by the way, is the BEST MOVIE DEATH EVER. Go watch it on YouTube!), and then after Sophie went home to check up on her baby daughter Carly, Lauren made pancakes! And they weren't pancakes of the Sian and Kelza variety - that is, broken up bits of what looks like blobs of burnt fat on a plate, covered in golden syrup. Lauren's were perfectly round, slightly browned and the ideal consistency. I felt rather useless at that point, but then I was in bliss when I ate the pancake so it didn't matter. Omnomnomnom.
After Sophie was gone we had a go at a few card games before other people showed up. First was 'Bullshit', my personal favourite. I never used to think much of card games before Sian taught me how to play this. I love playing with close friends because everyone gets really suspicious of each-other and it's hilarious when someone makes an accusation - basically, the idea of the game is you can put down two, three or four cards at a time and you have to say they're matching. Nobody knows what you put down; they can either take your work for it or if they think you're lying, they say 'Bullshit'.
If your accuser is right and you're lying, you have to take up every single card that's been put down. If your accuser if wrong, they have to take the cards. The object of the game is to get rid of all your cards first.
The first game was just us showing Jason and Lauren the ropes, but the second game was insane. Sian won, Lauren came second, and it was me vs. Jason. He called bullshit which led to me having 48 cards in my hand against his four, and it looked like he was going to win... but then I managed to bounce back and own him. I may not have got rid of all my cards first, but to win after all that was a victory. I'll admit, though, I'm an awful winner. Jason is not going to forget that game easily!
Lauren went home shortly after, meaning it was then just me, Jason, Sian and Charles. Again, cue more waffling about and watching telly. We watched Dale's Supermarket Sweep, which is actually one of the most bizarre gameshows I've ever seen.
Later in the day, people started to show up. This would be the busiest night of the weekend, since there were no other parties coinciding with ours. Mike showed up first, then Emma (who gave me another lovely card), then Smiller and Sroddis, then Bec. Bec didn't stay long but it was awesome to see her, and then Tom and Dana (Tom's girlfriend) turned up. We had a few more games of Bullshit, flicked through the music channels, bantered... it got ridiculously warm in there with so many people so I had to go and cool off outside, accompanied by Sian and Jason. It was a rather nice moment for me, just sitting there with two of my favourite people in the world at either side of me.
Bloody hell, I'm going to miss them so much. They say you don't realise what you have until it's gone... well, every time I see my family and friends now I realise what I have, and what I'm about to lose. Well, not 'lose', as such, but there's going to be a sea between us for a good few months. When I go to Ireland, it's going to be Christmas before I can see them again.
Little by little, people went home. It was just me, Jason, Sian and Mike when Jason and I decided to go to bed at midnight. I slept brilliantly, still giddy after a fabulous weekend, and now here I am, back at work!
In a way, it's sad that the Tom incident has affected me so much. That's one bad thing against so many awesome things that have happened to me this year, and will continue to happen in the coming year. This weekend is now one memory of many I can fall back on during the hard times; something to lift me up if ever I feel low. I'm grateful to Jason, Sian, Holly, Laura and my other friends not just for this weekend, but every moment we've spent together being daft, having a laugh, just being us. I coudn't be surrounded by people who are any more brilliant.
Apologies about any formatting issues this entry might have, by the way. This is an e-mail post and I can't quite remember how I used to lay them out so they'd look alright on my LiveJournal. I hope everyone's having an awesome life, and I'm sorry I haven't been updating much! Just know that I have a mass of typed up and handwritten backdated entries to get up - you're not rid of me yet!
I have to learn how to do things by e-mail post like change my userpic, add tags, privacy settings and the like. Happily there's nothing in here that I want to hide from the world!