INT. WESLEY METHODIST CHURCH - AFTERNOON <br> <br> KELZA sits with JASON, holding his left hand in her right, her own left arm bare on the table next to her. A NURSE presses cotton wool against her arm where blood has recently been taken. A stern DOCTOR holds a blood sample, eyeing it with disapproval. <br> <br> <center>DOCTOR</CENTER> <center>I'm afraid we won't be able to use this blood, Miss Pilkington. <br> <br> <center>KELZA</center> <center>(Confused, mildly annoyed)</center> Why not? You aren't about to tell me I went through that hell for nothing! <br> <br> <center>NURSE</center> Calm down, unless you want to faint! <br> <br> <center>DOCTOR</center> <center>(Calmly)</center> We've taken the time to analyse your donation and the findings are - well, shall we say... interesting. <br> <br> <center>KELZA</center> Oh yes? <br> <br> <lj-cut text="And the good doctor continued..."><center>DOCTOR</center> The haemoglobin in your blood has been replaced almost entirely by caffeine... <br> <br> <center>KELZA</center> <center(Shrugging)</center> Caffeine works better. <br> <br> <center>DOCTOR</center> ... your platelets have taken to growing long hair and wearing flared jeans... <br> <br> <center>KELZA</center> How very stylish! <br> <br> <center>DOCTOR</center> ... and your white blood cells are wearing berets and reciting beat poetry.</center> <br> <br> A pause while KELZA mulls this over. A SECOND NURSE places a cup of tea and a chocolate digestive on the table next to her. <br> <br> <center><center>KELZA</center> <center>(Chuffed)</center> I think I might have the coolest blood ever! <br> <br> <center>DOCTOR</center> Au contrare! What you have is the most unusable blood known to man! How it's keeping you alive baffles me. You should have died a humiliating and painful death years ago! <br> <br> <center>KELZA</center> <center>(Offended)</center> Is that so? <br> <br> <center>DOCTOR</center> Indeed it is. <br> <br> <center>KELZA</center> <center>(Jumping to her feet)</center> I shan't stand for this!</center> <br> <br> KELZA falls over.