The snow has all been washed away. For the past few days the weather has been bi-polar. On Friday, just when we thought it was all thawing out, it suddenly started snowing again and we must have gotten about six inches at least - I walked Jason to the bus stop in it, Ashley came as well and we larked about a bit while waiting, throwing snowballs at each-other, rolling around in it and the like. We waited for about half an hour and in all that time we just saw one bus - the 22 heading back up to Warrington. The 34 never came, so we headed back to mine, left all our wet clothes in the hall to dry out, sipped tea and tried to warm up again.

Then, last night, I was woken up by the sound of heavy rain, which was really weird considering the snow we'd been stuck with for the past week or so. It's all gone this morning, and it's definitely feeling milder out there. About bloody time as well; it's nearly February!

( Also, I think I may have spontaneously developed tinnitus... )

I'm really sorry, guys; I feel as though all I do on here now is rant about how shitty I'm feeling. The truth is that I've been having a couple of really bad days; days where I absolutely loathe myself for no reason, and consequently doubt why anyone would give a crap about me or anything I have to say. Deep down I know there's little logic or reason behind how I'm feeling, but depression sucks and has no need for reasons so... yeah. I feel like shit right now.

( Trigger warning: talk about depression, suicide etc )

For those who haven't yet clicked the cut, don't worry, I'm not going to commit suicide. Considering I'm a coward, and that I have friends, family, a fiance and a novel to write, suicide would be pretty illogical for me.

Well then! It's been a while! Everybody should thank darkspirited1 for dragging me back. I've been thinking about LiveJournal for a while now, wondering whether it was appropriate to return for the five quintillionth time, and whether or not there'd be a digital angry mob with pixel torches and electronic pitchforks waiting to skewer me for my negligence. As it is there's only a keyboard awaiting me, and Semagic.

What have I been doing these past three months, you ask? After the horrible ol' business that was - er, is - 2012, I've just been recovering, trying to get over my depression, and getting my life back on track. I did keep a non-Internet diary for a little while, which I will probably type up and post here backdated to fill in the gaps, and I have a Tumblr for when I really needed to rant or post cute pictures of my rats... but after nearly six years of LiveJournal, I guess Tumblr and my diary weren't enough.

( Summary of my last three months under the cut for your convenience... )

And... that's pretty much it. I think. These three months have been pretty uneventful otherwise; I've just been going to pub quizzes, chilling out with Jason, playing the XBox and having moodswings. Hopefully I can get more active on here again, because I love my LJ too much to let it fade away. And I love you guys, of course. The time I've been away I've missed you all a lot <3

I haven't posted in a few days, but since my last entry I've decided that I'm definitely trying to recover too quickly. I have it in my head that I shouldn't be depressed/stressed for some reason – like I should just be satisfied with the life that I have. It's a mindset I've had for a long time; I want to appreciate what I've got so any ill feelings I may have are irrational and bad on my part.

Anyway, like song_of_copper suggested, I'm going to take things slow. I'm going to just do everyday stuff for a while, and try not to pressure myself about making decisions, because if I do that I'll a) only get more stressed out, b) probably do something reckless or stupid and c) … well, I can't think of an option C, but when I do I'll let you all know.

( Mainly talk about my missing periods, doctor's appointments, how I need to live healthily etc... )

I'll just round this off by thanking everybody for their sweet comments on my last entry :) You guys are awesome and I don't know what I'd do without you all sometimes <3

Ooh, about the art I've been working on... I'll post it tomorrow. For now, SLEEEEEEP.

Giving blood yesterday went fine. Jason and I had something to eat at The Glass House first, then headed straight to the church. There were quite a few people there, even though the nurse I first spoke to said it was quiet. I was given a glass of water to drink (you have to be hydrated before you donate), a form to fill in saying whether I had HIV or Hepatitis or Malaria and so on, and an information pack to read.

I won't lie; I was feeling very nervous as I filled the form in, drank and waited. Even more so when I learned that they take almost a pint of blood; what is that, almost an eighth? I didn't say a great deal to Jason, either; I felt like I was dreaming and I was lost in my own thoughts of how I'd feel afterwards, would I pass out and would it be painful?

The idea of having some of my blood removed freaked me a little. But then I calmed myself by looking back to The Prince's Trust, when I did the abseil. I was a million times more terrified then. Giving blood was peanuts compared to an abseil!

( And then they called me in... (Warning for squeamish people?) )

INT. WESLEY METHODIST CHURCH - AFTERNOON

KELZA sits with JASON, holding his left hand in her right, her own left arm bare on the table next to her. A NURSE presses cotton wool against her arm where blood has recently been taken. A stern DOCTOR holds a blood sample, eyeing it with disapproval.

DOCTOR I'm afraid we won't be able to use this blood, Miss Pilkington.

KELZA (Confused, mildly annoyed) Why not? You aren't about to tell me I went through that hell for nothing!

NURSE Calm down, unless you want to faint!

DOCTOR (Calmly) We've taken the time to analyse your donation and the findings are - well, shall we say... interesting.

KELZA Oh yes?

( And the good doctor continued... )

I'm going to be working really hard these next few days to get some stories done and dusted in the hope that they'll get into either this week's or next week's paper. Like I've mentioned in a previous entry, I've got some good ones going on. It's great to be able to get my teeth into some of the more intriguing stories.

This week is set to be a fairly interesting one, actually. It got off to a good start in that I was able to stay over at Jason's - more on my use of the word 'able' in that sentence later. Tonight I'm going to be giving blood and on Friday I'll be going to a charity paranormal night, getting in free as I'm a reporter. I'll be live tweeting from the night itself and writing an extensive account of the freaky goings-on. If you're a fan of that kind of thing, watch this space!

The event will be run by UK Ghost Tours, and Para-Project will also be attending; if you've ever seen 'Spooks School' on the telly you'll be familiar with them. All funds raised will be donated to Cheshire Search and Rescue, who cover a vast area - despite their title, I believe they attend incidents all over the North West, St Helens included, and are a vital service to whom many owe their lives.

I'll be doing this event on my own. Jason, at first, grudgingly (and I mean really grudgingly; he took some persuasion!) agreed to come with me, but it was obvious that he really wasn't happy with it - he did confess that he wasn't a fan of the paranormal. At first I'll admit that I thought it was a bit silly. I didn't think he was the type to even believe in that kind of stuff. But it turns out it runs a wee bit deeper than that.

Okay, I'll warn you now. I'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here. Just so you know.

( Said tangent is under the cut... )