Uh oh. The room's a bit of a tip, and Shannon and I only tidied it yesterday!

You'll all be grumping at me like 'yeah, yeah, whatever' when I say this, but sincerest apologies nonetheless for my less than consistent activity. Does anyone read my twaddle anyway? I don't know. But I'll still apologise to the people who do.

So. What are the latest thrilling updates from Planet Kelza? I have an essay deadline tomorrow for English in Transition - it's a comparative essay on two poems. I got Minecraft running smoothly by using the magic of changing my laptop's resolution. News from the home front suggests Dad's bought Thelma an immense three-tier ratty mansion and was speaking quite fondly of how she goes bananas every time he comes downstairs in the morning - yes, Dad, of course you hate rats. And I bought a poncho. Consequently I'm regretting not bringing my sombrero over to Ireland.

Plus I've started looking into student accommodation well in advance of next year, because as much as I love my family I can't be bothered paying Mum housekeeping (joking!) and because it's easier to stagger home drunk at 3am carrying a bowl of mysterious cake (I have done this before) when you live in Belfast. I'd lose my cake, and probably my life, staggering along the M1 if I still lived in Portadown.

This distance thing means I can't have much of a social life. All the cool stuff happens in Belfast and I just can't get back from it because the last bus is at about 8pm. I think. I really must ask. Maybe when I go to university tomorrow... but anyway, yeah, I never have anything to do and it's driving me crazy. Already. Plus living on my own means no bickering siblings, all the jaffa cakes I want and I can have Jason over a couple of weeks to - er - play chess. Ehem.

I don't even know what else I've missed out in this huge absence of mine. Did I tell you all the story about the HMV gift card my colleagues from the St Helens Star gave me, how it turned out to have £50 on it and I nearly had a heart attack in the shop? Or the time I bought a poncho?

Actually, I have a few letters to Jason typed up that I could get journal entries from. But I've been less than reliable even in writing those, so I don't know... I'll have to take a look.

Oh, by the way...

SHANNON: Where are Mum and Dad?
KELZA: Out kicking ass on the mean streets of Portadown.

This is a conversation that just happened. It amused me rather.